First blog post

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Makeup

 

I would never leave the house or my bedroom for that matter without similar makeup (I wore winged eyeliner) shown above on my face. 

Since the medical negligence I have lost all my self confidence. It’s not simply about bemoaning the fact I can’t do such things anymore or don’t have the intention to look nice anymore it’s about the fact that my identity was stolen from me in the worst possible way. 

I know there will come a time when I can make myself look semi-nice again but I think the amount of suffering I have had to endure will never leave me.

Weight

My weight has dropped hugely since my medical negligence (I was 9 stone 5 and 5ft 7) I look gaunt these days and I never looked gaunt before all of this. I’ve grown taller but have very little weight on me. I know this is not healthy hence why I am trying to shove food down my gob constantly,

Trainer shoppin’

Today I got some trainers. 👟 I haven’t worn trainers since I was perhaps fourteen years old. I’m now twenty. I wore dresses and skirts previous to the negligence, had long hair and wore immaculate makeup and black heeled boots. 

Admittedly the trainers are black and oh so comfortable… like walking on clouds, walking on soft feathers, walking on soft pillows etc. Does this mean I like trainers now? Or just like comfort. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Appearance


The second photo down is me aged seventeen when I was the most confident and content with my appearance.  I was good at makeup and that helped me feel confident. 
Both Audrey Hepburn and Ingrid Bergman have been longstanding inspirations for me and strongly influenced my appearance in the first picture. 

Since my case of medical negligence I’ve lost most of my confidence/the ability to apply makeup as I did previously. For a twenty year old woman this is a massive blow considering how much I enjoyed the process of applying makeup as well as it aiding my sense of self esteem hugely.  

Without makeup (which made me feel good about myself) I hugely lack self confidence and that is very sad seen as people have complimented my appearance nowadays and I cannot accept their compliments. Instead of making me feel thankful nowadays compliments make me feel morose. I don’t doubt the compliments were genuine and very kind but I just do not believe them. That is a very sad fact. 

Thrombosis recovery: a year on

I realise that I could insert pictures of me during the mid stages of my recovery up on holiday in Scotland but I fear that might be detrimental to me now because achnowledging my improvements is well enough but harkening back to pictures of myself in a fragile state may be detrimental.

It is very difficult, to be respected by my tutors and then have a proffessor a ‘medical professional’ look at me like I was dirt for voicing my concerns. It doesn’t really inspire trust in the NHS or anyone for that fact.

I can’t recap on the horrors I endured in hospital as it is psychologically damaging to harken back and recall those days. They will no doubt remain in my memory for the remainder of my life.

I am vastly better now; I am recieving private physiotherapy and if it was not for their input I would most likely have severe disabilities all stemming from medical negligence. It is vile and shocking but sadly not uncommon. I am more subdued in my writing style these days so I will not rant and rave despite having vast ammounts of ammunition.

To conclude if in any health establishment you do not achnowledge your patient’s concerns FULLY you are commiting a crime and you will answer for that crime.